...life in Canada...

Is decidedly boring...

... thus my absence from regular blogging. There really isn't anything exciting going on...not compared to the lives I've lived elsewhere, that is. I suppose I should really change gears and start filling this blog with amusing anecdotes (like for instance, once, when I was younger and less astute, I was filling out a comment/feedback card evaluating the morning service and the leadership at my church in Toronto, and I said that sermons should include more personal 'antidotes.' I'm not really sure what I meant there...was I hoping that the minister would find a remedy for putting me to sleep in the mornings? Some sort of biblical booster I could just shoot in the arm?) At any rate...I suppose I should start filling this blog with amusing anecdotes (rather than antidotes, which are something completely different) but I find myself at a loss.

Sometimes, there is the occasional amusing story from work - I now work with adults with developmental disabilities, who live together in community houses with 6 or so individuals in each home. My house is fairly high-needs, most of our residents are non-verbal. One woman has a somewhat limited vocabulary which includes such gems as 'poop,' 'bum,' 'pee,' and 'tea.' (honestly, does the world really need words beyond those? Plus, the last two rhyme. Bonus.) Another individual doesn't speak at all, but rather growls or drools intermittently at you. I have nicknamed him "Grumpelstiltskin," a reference to the fairytale story of "Rumpelstiltskin," a grouchy elf of sorts with a penchant for stomping his foot, once so hard it went through the floorboards. The man I work with is like this. If he's frustrated, he stamps. If he's angry, he stamps. If he's bored, he stamps. If he's excited, he stamps. Well...you get the picture. Sometimes, when he's not stamping, he kicks. The other day I received a good shot to the knee-cap that could have toppled me (if not for my cat-like balance).

Or, I could tell you about the fact that today I came across a word I didn't know in a book I was reading ("Travels in the White Man's Grave: Stories from West and Central Africa," a book given to me for Christmas by my friend, Jen). The word was "liana," and I could have guessed at its meaning based on context (gaining meaning from context - a skill I taught my students in middle school English lit class last year), but I wanted to be sure of what it meant. Apparently, it's a

"woody climber that starts at ground level, and uses trees to climb up to the canopy where it spreads from tree to tree to get as much light as possible. Lianas are especially characteristic of tropical moist deciduous forests and rainforests."

See. Like I said, things here in Canada just aren't as fascinating. Show me a woody climber, will you?

And no, I don't mean the kind found in the gravely playgrounds of primary schools. Besides, those have all been torn down years ago for not fulfilling the more stringent safety codes. Also, you could set them on fire.

...the following blog is graphic in nature...

And may offend some readers.

The Emily you know and love, (or, for those of you who read this blog and don't actually know me, here's a little sneak peak into my actual personality - that which doesn't always translate itself into my blogs) is not a morning person.

In fact, I'm not a morning person to the extent that one of my friends felt it was necessary and fitting to purchase the pictured pair of panties below for me. (Ewww. I said panties. Ewww. That word should be un-written from the English Dictionary. It simply served my alliterate purposes above. Otherwise, I wouldn't be caught dead saying it. PANTIES??? Ewwww).



The same friend (bless her) also bought me another pair of undies that inform viewers to "Bring Coffee." She gave them to me and apologized that she couldn't find something that said "Bring Tea." I said it not to worry about it and that it was perfectly acceptable and since starting grad school I've given up my tea habit and exchanged it for some of the harder stuff. We all know that tea is just a gateway beverage anyway(so all you green tea drinkers, beware. It's just a matter of time before your state of zen is replaced with something more sinister). At least my new undies don't say "Bring Me A Stiff One." Because then I'd have to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. Or something like that.


I guess I'm to blame for the outrageous undies in the first place. I think it started when I bought my sister a pair for her bachelorette a number of years ago. They were black, and in white writing they declared that my sister was, indeed, a "Flute Player." What? What's so wrong with that? SHE IS. I SWEAR. Check it out: www.natashachapman.com. She is also very attractive. And married.

In return for the Flute Playing undies, a few Christmases ago, I received a pair that declared I was a "Royal Brat,'' (complete with a crown and glittery rhinestones) across the buttocks. I don't have a picture here, because after they started loosing all their rhinestones, it devalued them a lot and I had to throw them away. At that time, I hadn't foreseen this blog. Silly me.

Not only have I been given an amusing underwear collection, but I've also been given a fitting t-shirt collection as well. And they're not just fitting because they're a size small.

I think it all started when I was 14, and the director of an operetta I was in nicknamed me "Crabbypants." He even sent me a first night good-luck gift to my dressing room addressed to Miss Crabbypants. Perhaps this was taking it a bit too far? After all, he was directing Cinderella on off-nights.

At any rate, about 4 Christmases ago I was given the shirt below by a now ex-boyfriend. This might have been his way of saying I needed to chill out a little bit. But I'm not sure. He wasn't always the best communicator. I still wear the shirt, not because I'm still pining away for the guy, but because...it fits.


See. It speaks to me.

For Christmas this year, my lovely sister gave me another t-shirt. I think this one is great, especially considering that during the holidays I can most often be heard mumbling "I hate Christmas" alternately mixed with "Bah humbug."


Natasha said she missed out on getting a t-shirt that said soemthing like "you say I'm sarcastic, I say I'm funny."

If only she could have managed to get that one.
*sigh*

...snow days...

Today is the third snow day in about 3 weeks that the County of Peterborough has issued. THE THIRD!! This must be one of the benefits of not living in a big city and needing to be bused into school every morning. Where I grew up, we had nothing called 'snow days.' They just didn't exist. Even when the army was called in to remove the snow. The TTC kept on running and it wasn't cold enough for the bones in your legs to snap after a 15 minute walk, so the TDSB never saw the merit in declaring a 'snow day.' I did however get days off when the teachers went on strike. And then the caretaking staff. When I made it to university, we eventually had one snow day. Again, I missed out because I didn't even have classes on that day to begin with.

Where's my snow day? That's what I'd like to know.

And when you're a teacher, you still have to show up for class on a snow day. Unless you live on a farm. Or at the top of a very steep hill. (Naturally I've always wanted to do both).

I saw this picture on Facebook. A girl named Haze Long (she's Malaysian) drew this using the graffiti application.

Wow, people. Wow.

Only 22 more days!

...life outside of blogging...

Ok, the reason why I haven't posted recently is because my life has been SO ridiculously crazy (and by 'crazy' I mean, 'like a movie') that it's just not appropriate for my sensitive blogging readers.

Oh sure. Fine. Don't believe me.

But when it's all in my book (coming to a Chapters near you soon), I'll have to direct you back to this post. That is, if I have time what with all the stresses of being so famous that I'll be up against.

What's happened recently is that there has been more snow, I've started working at the Body Shop (have you tried our new Christmas scent yet? Rich Plum - how juicy!...yes..it's sad, I actually say things like this), I've had one Christmas concert to perform in already, it seems I've gained 5 pounds, I've been tobogganing, and have been reading a book titled "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom (it's touching, and a quick read).

I'm dusting out my camera soon and taking some pictures.

Enough with all this plain text!

...on the cusp of a winter wonderland...

Yesterday evening it was snowing. Not the kind that falls heavily and thickly blankets the streets and trees, but the kind that makes you wonder 'is it snow?' until a swath of it is illuminated by the headlights of an oncoming car, and you realise it is, indeed, the white stuff. It was the type of snow that melts before it hits the ground, that meets windshields and pavement as rain, but which, for a brief moment suspended in air, is water in its crystalline form. Yesterday I sat waiting for 30 minutes in the darkness of a bus shelter, watching the fog my warm breath made as I blew it out in puffs in between the pages of a collection of short stories on West Africa written by Canadian author, Joan Baxter.

When I woke up this morning, my world was coated in an icing-sugar frosting of snow.

I'll I've got to say is it's a good thing I ran my winter coat on the de-wrinkle setting of our dryer yesterday.

I can do snow. I think.

...in retrospect...

So, sometimes, I take a little while to upload the photos I have on my camera. I don't really have a good reason for this, I think it boils down to simple laziness. It's a bit of an effort to disengage the appropriate cords for my camera from the mess of electronic wires under my desk. What I need is one of those things where you can load a bunch of different electronic cords into and then it dispenses each of them neatly for you. I swear I saw something like that once. Or it could have been a dream. Either way, that's what I need.

At any rate, I've finally uploaded my photos from Halifax, specifically my photos of Nate and Kate's wedding. I've been to a lot of weddings in my time (and they don't seem to be slowing down any. There was a small window at around 25 where I only think a handful of people have tied the knot, but before and since then it's just been a steady stream of wedded bliss), and Nate and Kate's wedding was on of my favourites. Let me explain why:

1. Location - Kate and Nate had their wedding ceremony at the King's College Chapel. King's College is a small liberal arts university that is linked to Dalhousie and which used to be a private Anglican College. The school has a beautiful chapel which is not too big, not too small, but just right for a wedding. The chapel is unique in that the pews all face each other, rather than facing forward towards the altar. This provides a sense of intimacy. You can see the reaction of other guests at the wedding and they can see you. And because the chapel was just the right size, the pews were full of guests, and you don't get that airy and distant feel you can sometimes get in larger sanctuaries.

2. Bridesmaids dresses - I just like burgundy. It's my favourite colour. The bridesmaids dresses were burgundy (or wine-red. I like calling it wine-red), but each dress was individualized. Each bridesmaid was allowed to pick her own dress design from a number of different options, thereby choosing something that was flattering to her own figure and tastes, rather than trying to squeeze into some ill-fitting catalogue dress. Originality reigned here. Plus also, they looked very pretty.



3. The ceremony - Arguably this was my favourite part of the entire wedding. After the processional, and the giving away at the front of the church, one of the minister's gave the message and then following the message, Nate and Kate moved from the front of the church to stand and say their vows in the middle of the isle, conveniently standing between the congregation, heightening that sense of intimacy and also actually letting us see them, as opposed to their backs. Kate and Nate wrote their own vows which included a verse from Ruth that I love and want to include in my own vows...were I ever to one day, in the very distant future actually get married. The verse is as follows: "Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." (Ruth 1:16). I've only heard this verse at one other wedding and this was a number of years ago - a couple who were friends with my sister and were married at my home church in TO (which is small, but not quite small enough to get that 'intimate' feeling I was talking about earlier). Their ceremony was beautiful. Well done, you two!

4. Reception - The reception took place in another perfectly sized room at a hotel in downtown Halifax. There was no dinner. Kate and Nate had a dessert reception which included some homemade desserts (specifically apple-based baked goods from the apples that they picked the previous Thursday as part of their pre-wedding program for out-of-town guests and friends. Great planning!). Although there was no dinner, there were still tables we were assigned to and there was a complete evening program. The highlight for me was a short film that Kate's sister had put together (Kate's sister being a film-producer/editor out there in Vancouver...) in which she had interviewed the couple about each other, the upcoming wedding, their relationship and the prospect of being married. Then she weaved their responses together into a fantastic film that was entertainingly funny and also quite emotionally moving. It gave the guests a peek into Kate and Nate's life as a couple and was entirely appropriate. They also had the standard 'once upon a time' photo montage of childhood photographs, but in my opinion this paled slightly to the video made by Rachel.



5. The Cake - This couple didn't have your standard wedding cake. Oh no! They had some sort of cone-shaped cake with mousse-filled treats dipped in chocolate attached. Or some sort or similar concoction. I'm not sure, exactly. I didn't get an up-close-and-personal look at it, since at the time that cake was being distributed, I was doing something else 'important' (see #6). But, I don't really like cake, so tiny mousse-filled balls are quite to my liking and again score some big points in originality. Also, they were delicious.


6. A Cooperative and unquestioning Best Man - I don't really pull too many stunts at weddings. But, since we had about 4 hours between ceremony and reception, a small plan was hatched over our dinner (at the Thai place I love) which involved many balloons, a couple of leis, a box of condoms and the newly weds' car. Use your imagination.


And that, my friends, is how you make a memorable wedding! Dont' worry, the other weddings were good too. I just can't have them all be my favourites.

Someone's gotta make the hard choices.

...Funny you should say that...

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you, yourself,
have altered."
~ Nelson Mandela ~

Ain't that the truth. Nelson always was good with words, I think it's because he had all that time in solitude on Robben Island to think...

Now, I can't compare myself to Nelson Mandela, no of course not, that would be silly beyond belief, but I can and do identify with the quote he said above. There's nothing quite like returning to a place that largely remains unchanged to recognize the ways that you have changed since last you were there. I experience that every time I move back to a place I've been - Toronto, Halifax, Peterborough. I sometimes experience this surreal, out-of-body type feeling when I step off a plane and walk down the streets of the new city I've been transported to. The sights, sounds, smells and sentations of the place I left behind are still so real to me, that to replace them with a whole new set seems strange. (We call what I just did alliteration. I'm quite proud of it). Sometimes, I can look at a photograph and the scene in it is still alive in my senses and I can't seem to comprehend the fact that I'm actually hundreds of miles away (or sometimes thousands) from where it was taken.

I'm back living in Peterborough now. I haven't lived here for about 3 years or so, and as I walk the streets I'm trying to access a mental map of the city that I created when I was 20 years old. The problem is, the map seems difficult to remember. It's like when you're learning a new language, and before you are able to come up with the word you're looking for in the new language, your mind processes through all of the languages in which you already know how to speak that word: "friend," "ami," "amigo," "padi," until finally you filter through to the right choice. My mental map of Peterborough is like that. It is superimposed on top of all of the other cities I have lived in (unfortunately all which seem to have similar street names...damn those Brits and their ubiquitousness). So, if you see me wondering aimlessly, don't be alarmed. I'm just trying to sort through my map and get a grip on where I'm really going.

No, I don't want to pick a city guide up from the convenience store.
But thanks for the suggestion.